written by: Lena Durham

produced by: Kylie Martin, Alicia Van Covering and Alice Wang

Directed by: Lena Dunham

rating: unrated

runtime: 98 min. 

U.S. release date: November 12, 2012

DVD/Blu-ray release date: February 14, 2012

In a 2006 short film by video artist and filmmaker Lena Dunham called “Pressure”, Dunham and two of her friends sit on the floor of a library and listen as one of the girls describes the onset of a female orgasm, comparing it to a sneeze.  After they leave, Lena sticks a finger in her nose, wiggles it around, and then sneezes.  The end.  Extend scenes like this into a feature-length film, and you have Dunham’s breakthrough feature, “Tiny Furniture”.

Dunham plays Aura, a recent college graduate who has come back home to New York City to live with her mother Siri (played by Dunham’s real-life mother Laurie Simmons) and her younger sister Nadine (played by Dunham’s real-life sister Grace Dunham).  She deals with all the frustrations of a post-graduate life, trying to find a job, trying to find her own place to live, and generally figure out what to do with her future.

The family dynamic is explored as well, and tensions flare up between Aura and her mother, who is a photographer snapping pictures of miniatures of living rooms (hence the title). The entire movie is basically plotless, and centers around conversations between her and various characters she runs across in her life (ala Woody Allen films), as they talk about sex, jobs, drugs, art and relationships.  Seeing as her “character” is also a video artist, I have to assume that much of this film is autobiographical, and that the candid, confessional tone comes straight from Dunham’s personal experiences of attempting to become an artist after she graduated school.  One scene even has her and her friend watching one of her YouTube movies and reading the degrading comments posted there.  Will her next film have Dunham and her friends reading reviews of “Tiny Furniture”?

This film has gotten tagged with the unglamorous label of “mumblecore”, meaning a very low-budget independent film made with non-professional actors using “naturalistic” dialogue, but I don’t feel that is necessarily accurate in the case of “Tiny Furniture”.

This work is more akin to the films of Miranda July (“Me You and Everyone We Know“ and “The Future“), another female artist and filmmaker who deals with quirky, independent cinema.  The difference unfortunately is that while July has a singular (and often bizarre) artistic style and vision, Dunham seems content to rely on long, staged dialogue sequences, interjected with shocking and occasionally funny bits of humor.  And as far as a film about “what to do after high school”, I prefer Noah Baumbach’s “Kicking and Screaming“ and even “Ghost World“ over this.

When introduced to a fellow video artist at a party, a friend describes him to Aura as “kind of famous, in an internet kind of way.”  And that’s how I see this movie, slightly charming, and a solid examination of a mid-20s life crisis, but ultimately light and somewhat frivolous – like she was making this for her friends and family.  It also begs the question of why Criterion decided to release this next to all their other classics, as it is the work of a promising director, but one who has yet to truly find her voice.  Still, I’m eager to see what her next work will be, and the film world is certainly in need of some fresh female creators.

Criterion has loaded up the release of “Tiny Furniture” with a bevy of extras, including “Creative Nonfiction“, Dunham’s first feature-length film, four of her short videos, and an interview with filmmaker Nora Ephron.

RATING: **

Matt Streets saw his first film in 1980, when his parents took him to see Robert Altman’s “Popeye” at the Tivoli Theater in Downers Grove, IL.  Since that rocky start, he has become a lifelong movie fan, and has written film reviews on and off since giving “Medicine Man” two stars for his high school newspaper back in 1992.  He is currently attempting the insane feat of watching every single film in the Criterion Collection as The Criterion Completist.

written by: Jon Hoeber and Erich Hoeber

produced by: Peter Berg, Brian Goldner, Duncan Henderson, Bennett Schneir & Scott Stuber

directed by: Peter Berg

rating: PG-13 (for intense sequences of violence, action and destruction, and for language)

runtime: 131 min.

U.S. release date: May 18, 2012

No one said it. Not a one. I already had low expectations going in for “Battleship”, but I thought for sure I would hear someone utter the famous line “You sunk my battleship!”  - I mean, come on! The set up was right there in the casting of Liam Neeson. Could you imagine him booming such a line in his gravely voice, as he watches one of his beloved ships sink? It would be just like“Release the Kraken!” I want to believe that at one point, the line was in the script for him, but maybe he balked. What he should’ve done is balk at the entire screenplay and the whole idea of adapting the classic Hasbro board game altogether. For a hot second, I was optimistic when it was announced that director Peter Berg would be the lucky guy to helm “Battleship”, but that was quickly dashed once I read that aliens would be involved. Yeah, there we go Hollywood - another loud blockbuster wanna-be, crafted from The School of Michael Bay – that’s original. The end result is a poorly-acted movie, drowned in video game-style CGI and riddled with more damaging clichés than any of the obnoxiously loud ammunition we see dispensed on the big-screen.

Through expositional introductory text we are told that back in 2005 our astronomers found another planet out there somewhere with similar living conditions to Earth and they named it Planet G (it stands for Goldilocks!). The next obvious step for us Earthlings would be to say “hullo” to any potential inhabitants of such a planet. A powerful radio signal is sent out into space from Hawaii using advanced communications technology and an orbiting satellite. I bet you can guess where this is going….

In the present, we find greasy-haired Alex Hooper (Taylor Kitsch “John Carter“) downing beers in a Oahu bar, while his older brother, Stone Hooper (Alexander Skarsgard, “True Blood”) trepidiously accompanies the twentysomething slacker. As the inebriated clichés and bad dialogue stumble out, we learn that Alex is the stereotypical young punk who’s never amounted to much yet shows such potential. Yawn. While his responsible brother, a commanding officer of the USS Sampson, a destroyer in the United States Pacific Naval Fleet, tries to steer him on the straight and narrow, Alex is more concerned with getting the blonde babe (a vacant Brooklyn Decker, “Just Go With It“) at the bar a chicken burrito. When his efforts to impress Samantha, who happens to be the daughter of Stone’s superior, Admiral Shane (Liam Neeson, in cruise control mode) land him in hot water with the police again (in an unfunny scenario that made me appreciate how great Kitsch’s numerous jail escape attempts were in “John Carter”) Stone gives him an ultimatum – Navy or bust.

Right away, none of this makes sense. I know I know – this is a mindless action flick with aliens that simply is made to provide escapism – but it could still show some logic and give us characters who talk like real people. If Alex is such a burden to Stone than why on earth would he want him in the Navy with him and besides – how is he even Navy material? Ugh. It didn’t take me long to start groaning in my seat.  Maybe it was the outdated (and overused) Stone Temple Pilots and Billy Squier tunes in the bar, which were at times literally drowning out lines, or it could’ve been the immediately noticeable wooden “acting” from a former Sports Illustrated Swimsuit issue cover model, but this movie quickly started to sink even before it could stay afloat.

But then I reminded myself – this is really just a Michael Bay knock-off – not that it made the experience any better.  It saddens though actually, since I usually like Berg’s work (“The Kingdom” and “Hancock” were entertaining and let’s not forget “Friday Night Lights” which Berg adapted into a television series with Kitsch), but this movie feels like Hasbro studios and/or Universal steered this film into a uniform product that resembles its other toy-based movies. If the rowdy audience that surrounded me is any indication, this movie will likely earn solid box office, probably catering to those who have a moviegoing void with no new “Transformers” movie out. So be it.

There are moments in “Battleship” when it feels like a Berg film. There’s his handheld approach and occasional close-up shots that show the exhaustion of a character, as well as a slightly saturated grainy look. That’s mostly due to Berg reuniting with his frequent cinematographer, Tobias A Schliessler, but even he can’t put a unique stamp on alien ships attacking naval vessels. Another Berg-ism can be found in the palpable camaraderie between Alex and his crew, similar to his “Friday Night Lights” film and TV series. That’s right – Alex is made a lieutenant and a Tactical Officer of the USS John Paul Jones, yet he can’t muster the courage to ask Admiral Shane’s blessing to marry Samantha. Just one of many overplayed plotlines.

The seafaring supporting characters make up a mostly convincing crew, even though it’s kind of hard to keep track of who’s who at first. Alex has some tight pals in brawny Chief Petty Officer “Beast” (New Zealander and former Power Ranger, John Lui) and crew mate Ordy (Jessie Plemmons, a “Friday Night Lights” alum), who adds some needed levity. Alex is also backed by weapons specialist and Gunner’s Mate Second Class, Cora Raikes (miscast pop star, Rihanna), who can be seen running, shouting and shooting. As much as it’s nice to see these guys interact and work together, it didn’t take me (and the rest of the audience) long to wish for an alien invasion. I guess I found my threshold for rah-rah bravado.

So, when the aliens finally arrive, I felt like they finally got my order right and I could start eating my entrée. But be prepared – these are the kind of aliens that we never learn anything about, except how to take them out. Who knows why they came or why they’re trying to phone home. It’s all projection and conjecture on our part – they’re calling on reinforcements so they can take over the world! Really? How do we know this? All that matters is how we take them out. After all, they’re firing on us!

Whether or not these are smart aliens is debatable. I guess they were clever enough to land in close proximity to the RIMPAC naval war games off of Pearl Harbor, where the United States is hosting Japan. But their first intelligent move is to a force field around three destroyers, coincidentally inhabiting all the main characters. They obviously have advanced technology and massive ships that spit out what looks like giant shotgun shells or (if we’re referencing the board game) massive pegs that detonate once they sink into our battleships. Ah, clever. But what’s never really explained is why their massive ships never just fly over ours and obliterate us. Instead, they just seem to hover and hop over the water. Huh?

There is one very meta sequence which has a handful of crew members actually playing Battleship in “Battleship”. It’s a clever yet eye-rolling way to incorporate the board game into a tense tactical maneuver created by a Alex’s rival, Japanese Capt. Nagata (a great Tadanobu Asano, last seen in “Thor”) of the JDS Myōkō. In order to attack undetected, he comes up with the idea of relying on a grid made out of tsunami warning buoys to track their movements. All they have to do is anticipate the alien’s next move, call a coordinate like “Fire on G19!” and BAM! Sound familiar? Like I said, clever but also quite cheesy.

To even the playing ground, the aliens have been designed as humanoid beings, which I’m sure helped production costs. It’s much easier to have actors get layered with make-up than it is to invest in some unique all-CGI look. This way, it’s also easier for a career Army veteran (real life double amputee Iraq vet Gregory Gadson) to say “I got this!” and go man to man, er, alien. With their full-body armor on, these off-worlders look like something from Halo and without their helmets they kind of resemble a sunburnt Gary Gnu. It really just doesn’t matter how dangerous they are, because they’ll all gonna die.

“Battleship” goes out of its way to tell viewers how brave and courageous our naval officers and crewman are. Even though the Japanese seaman are just as worthy – they can’t crank AC/DC to 11 during a rallying montage that has our young crew working alongside Octogenarian war heroes though – not like we can.

There’s no sense criticizing the wretched screenplay by brothers Jon and Erich Hoeber (“Red”), even though they’re the ones who give the actors such recycled lazy material. It’s just no use. The producers of “Battleship” received exactly what they wanted from these two, a product that needed marketing.  No one involved in the making of this movie cares if they’ve made anything unique or original. This is just one of three alien invasion movies out this month, but “Battleship” wins at being the most moronic and noisy of them all.

RATING: *1/2

• Albert Nobbs  (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Being John Malkovich (Criterion Collection) (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Bringing Down the House (10th Anniversary Edition) (Blu-ray)
• Chronicle (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Chuggington: Wilson and the Ice Cream Fair (DVD)
• The Devil Inside (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Father of the Bride (20th Anniversary Edition) (Blu-ray)
• The Grey  (DVD/Blu-ray)
• The History of the World in Two Hours 3D (DVD)
• The Odessa File (Blu-ray)
• One for the Money (DVD/Blu-ray)
• The Order (Blu-ray)
• Rampart (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Vans Warped Tour: No Room for Rockstars (DVD)
• The War (Blu-ray)
  

written by: Max Landis

produced by: John Davis and Adam Schroeder

directed by: Josh Trank

rating: PG-13 (for intense action and violence, thematic material, sexual content and teen drinking)

runtime: 83 min. 

U.S. release date: February 3, 2012

DVD/Blu-ray release date: May 15, 2012

There will be a time when the found-footage fad will weasel its way into each and every genre of film. As long as money is brought in, it’s inevitable. Filmmakers will undoubtedly figure out a way to use this approach to the Western and Victorian era genres. The approach has primarily been dominated by horror and mystery flicks, usually populated by white people. I’ve already shared my feelings on this subgenre, but with “Chronicle” taking it into the superhero realm (well, superpowers, technically), I may have to rethink the possibilities of the phenomenon. Instead of using a pseudo-documentary feel or exuding a gimmicky vibe, the film actually has an inventive delivery with some creative filmmaking decisions that are quite clever. It helps that the actors here are an improvement on the ones we usually see in found footage films and that we’re given much more characterization to get invested in.

The story is set in and around Seattle, Washington and focuses on a trio of teenage boys that stumble upon an alien object buried underground near a remote rave party. All of them are knocked out by the encounter and when they regain consciousness they realize they all have special abilities, like flight, and super strength, but mainly telekinesis (if you’re not a geek, they can move things with their mind). How such an extraordinary event effects each of them is dependent on who these teens are and where they’re at in life.

Awkward high school senior, Andrew (Dane DeHaan) is fed up with his lonely and miserable existence of eating lunch alone and getting picked on by bullies. He has decided to chronicle every minute of his life with a video camera. That means every violent outburst by his abusive father (Michael Kelly) and the sad moments with his ill mother (Bo Peterson) will be captured. Through his lens, we witness what he sees and goes through – be it home or school – the good, but mostly the bad. It’s actually quite fitting to see a teen document their every waking hour in some form, those pivotal years are an incubator for narcissism.

His cousin, Matt (Alex Russell) tries to look out for Andrew and help him, but Andrew isn’t very trusting. Matt is handsome and girls like him, how could he understand? Even more popular is his friend, Steve (Michael B. Jordan), a charismatic leader and candidate for class president, liked by everyone. Unlike Andrew, life is going pretty well for these two, so these newfound powers are an invigorating blast for them – instead of eventually fueling resentment and rage like it does Andrew.

Initially, all three of them are enjoying practicing and testing out their powers – and who wouldn’t? Regardless of age, this would be the case for anyone. It’s here that the movie truly succeeds. To see these teens hone their abilities out in public as pranks is quite funny. They freak kids out in a toy store by floating items down aisles and completely move a woman’s parked vehicle to a different spot while she’s in a store. It’s slightly cruel as teen hijinks often are(evoking reality in that respect), but still amusing nevertheless. It’s a calm before the storm that is brewing inside of Andrew.

Out of the three of them, Andrew is the best at manipulating his powers, yet that’s not such a good thing. He’s also the most emotionally unstable, which proves to be a lethal combination when he almost kills a crazy driver one night. It wasn’t necessarily a purposeful move on Andrew’s part, but Matt’s shock at his cousin’s seemingly malicious actions, push Andrew down a dark path that is already paved. From here on out, Andrew has decided to give in to his dark side and lash back at anyone who’s ever done him wrong. The powers that were once kept secret are now outed by Andrew’s destructive antics, leave Matt and Steve to stop him from harming himself and others – or at least try to.

With “Chronicle”, director Josh Trank is giving us what is (hopefully) the closest live-action adaptation of “Akira”, something that no one (except the big studios) wants to see happen. The comparison to that cult anime classic is inevitable for anyone who’s seen it, especially with the last act of  “Chronicle” in mind, but there’s no doubt that this is an impressive directorial debut for Trank. Having previously worked as an editor and 2nd Unit director on 2009’s “Big Fan”, Trank sets out to utilize every possible tool at his disposal here to keep the “red light” going during every moment of the film. Although there are some creative and convenient uses of  Andrew’s camera, like how the teen levitates the camera above him with his mind, giving Trank an excuse to use steadicams or cranes – yet some flaws in the film’s documentary style left me scratching my head.

The mistakes often made in these found footage films is the focus on the “footage” over the “found”. Since the idea is that the audience is discovering something, then the question of how we found this footage should be answered. In “Cloverfield” we stumbled upon top-secret military footage detailing the events of a monster invading and “Paranormal Activity” we’re basically watching surveillance footage, which was collected by the police. This makes following the story quite plausible, giving it a logical feel. At first, “Chronicle” is clever in the way it films the footage, but the way it’s captured is suspect when the film uses cell phone footage, security cameras, and news reports, as a way of documenting the story. As much as I was caught up in it, I couldn’t help but wonder who had compiled all this footage and how it was found.

That may be an oversight on the part of writer Max Landis (son of director, John Landis), but to his credit, his believable teen characterization and ambitious concepts maintain the audience’s attention throughout the entire movie. It’s a script that is well-executed by Trank, who clearly has fun with all the superpowered activity, which is grounded by accurate depictions of teen-speak and compelling melodramatic angst. However, the thin subplot involving Casey (Ashley Hinshaw), a forced love interest for Matt, feels way too forced. She’s even an HD nut, who’s footage is conveniently included into the rest of the “Chronicle” footage. Not really sure how that happened.

The performances here are solid, with Russell and Jordan easy to like as Matt and Steve, and DeHaan fully-committed as an unpredictable Andrew, navigating from moping to maniacal. But the movie is really all about seeing these powers in a real-world setting and that’s where it succeeds the most. Whatever Trank chooses to do next (he’s been offered a “Fantastic Four” reboot or a Spider-Man spinoff, focusing on the villain “Venom”), it will definitely be something to see.

There’s no denying that this movie had the geek in me applauding. Back in my teen years I would have conversations with my friends about how cool it would be to fly or what we would do with superpowers. Granted, we would be superheroes of course and what “Chronicle” does is show us what would happen if the opposite happened – if a tormented geek played god.

RATING: ***

written by: John August and Seth Grahame-Smith

produced by: Richard D. Zanuck, Graham King, Johnny Depp, Christi Dembrowski & David Kennedy

directed by: Tim Burton

rating: PG-13 for comic horror violence, sexual content, some drug use, language and smoking

runtime: 113 min.

U.S. release date: May 11, 2012

“Dark Shadows” marks the eighth cinematic collaboration between director Tim Burton and actor Johnny Depp  and it’s time for these two to be given a time out. It’s not that they’ve made bad films together, it’s just that we haven’t seen anything all that unique or compelling from them since “Edward Scissorhands” and “Ed Wood”, their two best films. Since then, the duo have adapted established material to the big-screen, created by the likes of Washington Irving, Roald Dahl, and Lewis Carroll (the best of them being “Sleepy Hollow”), and dabbled in animation together – using a recognizable (and recycled) gothic and/or offbeat atmosphere. Now, they’ve decided to inject that same vibe, with a generous helping of goofiness and cheese, to an update of a cult favorite American daytime soap from the late 60s/early 70s. Fans of that show may cry foul, while the undeterred loyal fanbase of the Burton/Depp films (are they even out there still?) will show up regardless.

While I’ve grown tired of seeing these inseparable talents reunite again and again, for some reason I found myself feeling slightly optimistic for their new film. The more I saw the trailers, the more I saw this as possibly a solid return to the best these filmmaking BFFs have to offer. Maybe there could be an interesting examination here of the macabre dynamic of the film’s family, as portrayed by proven actors inhabiting this ensemble cast. Unfortunately, the trailers and TV spots for “Dark Shadows” showcased almost all of the funny bits (as they often do) and poorly marketed the film as some kind of slapstick horror. Fortunately, most of the performers here rise above Burton’s bi-polar tone as well as the uneven and derivative screenplay they’ve been given.

The story opens in 1760, as we watch the Collins family migrate from Liverpool to a quite seaport town in Maine. They stake their claim in the fishing business and make such a name for themselves that the community is called Collinsport. It becomes clear that this part of the movie is clearly a prologue, summarizing and catching us up to where we’re supposed to go, without taking any time to establish or develop any characters that we know will play an important part later on in the story. Never a good sign.

We see Joshua and Naomi Collins, with their young son Barnabas, watch as an enormous  mansion is being built on a cliff overlooking the sea. The audience confidently determines that this will be the elaborate estate where the family will reside for a quite some time. Barnabas (Johnny Depp) grows into a seemingly spoiled playboy, who makes the mistake of having what he considers a fling with a housemaid, but then devotes his heart to the beautiful Josette (a serene and engaging, Bella Heathcote). Bad move, Barnabas. It turns out the housemaid he jilted is a witch named Angelique Bouchard (wonderfully played by Eva Green) who won’t be ignored. Rather than getting all Glenn Close on him and cooking his pet rabbit, Angelique offs his parents and his love and turns him into a pasty white vampire. To cap off her rage, Angelique buries Barnabas alive in a chained coffin in the woods and sets off to destroy the Collins legacy. She does so over the next couple hundred years (looking fabulous, I might add) by becoming a powerful fishing tycoon, obliterating the once-thriving Collins business.

196 years later, Barnabas is accidentally unearthed to a world with paved roads and giant glowing yellow double arches. Right here we know that this is where we’ll see Depp’s Barnabas become less of a tragic character to one that plays up the comedic vampire-out-of-time bit. Seeing Barnabas getting acclimated to 1972 Collinsport is quite funny. For the most part, there’s no dialogue, just Depp in ghoulish make-up and perfectly-maintained emo bangs, responding to the bizarre behavior (to him at least) of the locals.

Instinctively, Barnabas returns to Collinwood Manor, now dilapidated and overseen by groundskeeper named Willie Loomis (a great Jackie Earle Haley), making for a hilarious first encounter as Barnabas tries to work his hypnotic powers on the drunkard. Maybe the spell worked on me, because I unexpectedly started taking a shine to Depp’s antics. Watching his Barnabas deal with his new-old surroundings,  I was reminded how great the actor is at physical comedy and emoting responses in a charming dialogue-free manner. We’ve seen him dispense the bugged-eyes and arched brows before, but there’s no doubt it’s fun seeing him commit to such a reliable arsenal.

When Barnabas meets his awkwardly dysfunctional descendants who reside in his property- we find more hilarity, yet that’s also where the script really starts to suffer. We’re introduced to very intriguing characters that deserve more attention than screenwriters, Seth Graham-Smith (author of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, which we will see adapted to the bi-screen next month, with Burton as producer) and John August (another frequent Burton collaborator), allow, but that’s all we get. These characters are introduced, there’s some funny bits interacting with Depp’s Barnabas – but that’s it. That’s because this is a Johnny Depp film and we’re made to believe that his fish-out-water storyline is enough for us. Not necessarily.

Sure, it’s funny to see Barnabas encounter the vernacular and pop culture influences of the 70s. In fact, the setting is actually one of the reasons I was optimistic about this film. The idea of a proper British gentleman vampire (with Depp balancing camp and horror, while emphasizing his articulation with extreme care) and having to deal with both his craving for blood and his re-acclimation into society was intriguing to me. After we see Barnabas stare down a little troll doll, discover shag carpeting, Scooby-Doo and The Carpenters, it feels like these comic snippets and montages cheat the audience out a chance to get to know the rest of the family.

That’s too bad, because the family members are the most interesting here – especially the females. I wanted to know more about Elizabeth Collins Stoddard (Michelle Pfeiffer, gracefully re-asserting her star status), the strong family matriarch and her rebellious teen, Carolyn (a mesmerizing, Lolitaesque Chloë Grace Moretz) who apparently has undeveloped secrets of her own. There’s also Elizabeth’s sleazy brother, Roger Collins ( a bland Johnny Lee Miller, a role which should’ve gone to Bill Hader or David Hyde Pierce), whose troubled pre-teen son, David (Gulliver McGrath) sees ghost (we don’t know why) and is being cared for by Dr. Julia Hoffman (Helena Bonham Carter, Burton’s real-life squeeze) a dubious boozing shrink. All characters worthy of further development in their own right, but Burton serves them up on this elusive Lazy Susan that leaves them as vague caricatures despite some fine work by Pfeiffer and Moretz.

And then there’s Victoria Winters (who looks identical to Josette, also played by Heathcote), the new governess who arrives just before Barnabas returns from his two century nap. He is immediately smitten by her likeness to his former flame, but can’t quite figure out what to do with his feelings or how to win her over. What is immediately noticeable about Heathcote is how much she resembles many of the actresses Burton has cast in his previous films. There’s a certain look – wide-eyed with a long neck and porcelain pale skin – that he goes for, which was found in Christina Ricci, Lisa Marie (his former wife) and even in the title character in “Corpse Bride”. The fact that Heathcote is a relative unknown has a certain draw to it, but her being utterly Burtonesque was kind of distracting. It didn’t help any that her character had this mysterious backstory that was told in rushed flashbacks or that Burton and his screenwriters forced an unearned attraction to Barnabas.

Although I never watched an episode of the ABC television program (which ran from 1966 to 1971), I’ve always been aware of that creepy-looking guy played by Canadian actor Jonathan Frid (who has a blink-and-you’ll-miss-him cameo here), who recently died. I would eventually learn he played a character named Barnabas Collins, but it was only recently that I learned he was a vampire. Somehow that interested me less, but I found potential in focusing on this bizarre family, especially noticing that they could’ve been much more interesting and developed than they were in this Burton film. Apparently, they were TV’s first family soap dynasty – long before the Ewings or the Carringtons would dominate that niche.

Both my ignorance to the series and my slight interest in yet another Burton/Depp endeavor probably helped my relative enjoyment of Burton’s “Dark Shadows”.  But the elements that were completely unnecessary and weak, such as a cameo by Alice Cooper and the bloated CGI ending   can’t be erased. At least there are some amusing and committed performances that had me chuckling and entertained. Green’s presence is the most memorable, with her strange mix of sensuality and alien-like leering that drive’s Angelique’s bizarre pursuit of a man who could care less. In a film that tries too hard to be frightful and funny, it’s unexpected that its talented cast delivers where its director falters.

NOTE: It’s ridiculous that this film is being shown in IMAX theaters – don’t bother.

RATING: **1/2

A wonderfully moody Mondo poster created by artist Ghostco a.k.a. Matthew Woodson

Filed under: Uncategorized Tagged: Bella Heathcote, Chloe Grace Moretz, Dark Shadows, David J. Fowlie, Eva Green, film, Gulliver McGrath, Helena Bonham Carter, Jackie Earle Haley, John August, Johnny Depp, Johnny Lee Miller, Michelle Pfieffer, review, Tim Burton ]]> http://keeping-it-reel.com/2012/05/13/dark-shadows-2012/feed/ 2 dj4our dark_shadows darkshadowsdepp darkshadowsgreen darkshadowspfieffer dark-shadows-johnny-depp-image1-600x399 DarkShadowsMONDO http://keeping-it-reel.com/2012/05/10/the-pirates-band-of-misfits-2012/ http://keeping-it-reel.com/2012/05/10/the-pirates-band-of-misfits-2012/#comments Thu, 10 May 2012 06:48:42 +0000 David J. Fowlie http://keeping-it-reel.com/?p=4713 ]]>

written by: Gideon Defoe

produced by: Julie Lockhart, Peter Lord, Carla Shelley & David Sproxton

directed by: Peter Lord

rating: PG for mild action, rude humor and some language

runtime: 88 min.

U.S. release date: April 27, 2012

After providing us with the delightful CGI animated holiday feature, “Arthur Christmas“, the British studio Aardman Animations returns to the wonderful stop-motion style they’re known for. Based on the popular Pirates! book series written by British author Gideon Defoe, ”The Pirates! Band of Misfits” (released elsewhere as “The Pirates! In an Adventure of Scientists”, because Americans supposedly prefer Misfits) is a return to the rollicking swashbuckling and treasure-seeking nature of the pirate movie genre. While Disney’s “Pirates of the Caribbean” movies have relied more on supernatural elements and action/adventure set-ups, “Band of Misfits” embraces jolly humor and bumbling mischief with the same visual creativity and wit to the Oscar-winning studio’s lovable “Wallace and Gromit” characters. Although the storyline might be a challenge for kids to follow, there’s still plenty for all ages to enjoy here – especially for those who already enjoy Aardman’s previous plasticine work.

Sailing the seven seas in a rickety old ship, a loyal crew of ragtag pirates (aka Misfits) led by an inept captain known only as Pirate Captain (superbly voiced by an unidentifiable Hugh Grant) in the year 1837. On the verge of becoming obsolete and insignificant, the insecure Pirate Captain searches for significant booty to boost his reputation among fellow pirates. He sets his sails on The Pirate of the Year competition, in which the winner will be the pirate who with the most fortune in his possession. Convinced the esteemed award will be just the thing to earn some notoriety, Pirate Captain and his crew will have to beat out competitors like Black Bellamy (Jeremy Piven, in a non-role) and Cutlass Liz (Salma Hayek, playing another sassy/sultry Latina), in order to gain the fame he seeks. The crew embark on a search for the perfect ship for them to plunder, but come up empty-handed at every turn.

Everything changes once Pirate Captain and his crew board a ship called HMS Beagle where they apprehend Charles Darwin (David Tennant), an English naturalist, and his trained chimpanzee, Mr. Bobo. Darwin is more concerned though with the crew’s beloved parrot Polly than his capture, which (unbeknownst to the crew) is actually a rare dodo bird. At Darwin’s persuasion, Pirate Captain sets a course his for England, in order to enter the bird into the Scientist of the Year competition at the Royal Academy of London with the promise of a valuable prize. Upon arriving, Pirate Captain finds himself  having to deal with a two-faced Darwin and a price on his head placed on him by a pirate-hating Queen Victoria (Imelda Staunton) who will stop and nothing to see him and his crew destroyed.

To keep his head and save Polly, Pirate Captain must put aside his delusions of grandeur and pull his motley crew together and escape to the high seas, away from crazed royalty.

Co-directed by Aardman co-founder Peter Lord (“Chicken Run”) and animator Jeff Newett, “The Pirates! Band of Misfits” is a visually detailed jaunt that has more going on in each frame that most animated features. The artistry alone is breathtaking, from the rolling white caps of ocean waves to the squiggly curls in Pirate Captain’s beard. The character designs throughout are quite amusing and clever, but as much as the lively animation is gorgeous it’s really the tart screenplay (also written by Gideon Defoe) that makes the fifth Aardman feature such a hoot.

It also helps that the script is brought to life by such a fine ensemble of actors, who manage to completely lose themselves in the material. Just look at the names of the crew and try not to laugh: The Pirate with a Scarf (Martin Freeman), The Surprisingly Curvaceous Pirate (Ashley Jensen), The Pirate with Gout (Brendan Gleeson), The Albino Pirate (Anton Yelchin) and my favorite, The Pirate Who Likes Sunsets and Kittens (weatherman Al Roker). The humor in those characters is sly and ever-present throughout the film, but that’s all due to the talented cast. The great Brian Blessed also makes an appearance with his booming baritone as The Pirate King, the emcee of the “Pirate of the Year” competition.

But the success of the film falls on Grant’s uncanny work in the lead role. Word has it that Grant initially declined the role, claiming retirement or not thinking he was right for the role (one of those two) – which are both crazy reasons. I’ll bet that upon closer look, he saw the role’s potential for sheer fun. The opportunity to disappear into the bumbling, yet action-savvy, Pirate Captain was probably too hard to pass up. Tennant is also clearly having a good time, playing a cagey Darwin who conveys an anxious degree of mistrust and villainy. The best part of the performances is that all of the actors are unrecognizable (especially Grant), which allows viewers to connect with the characters, not who’s playing them.

I approached “Band of Misfits” with some trepidation, mainly because I had grown tired of the trailer that had played in endless rotation for months to the tune of Quiet Riot’s “Come on, Feel the Noise”, of all things. Thankfully that tune didn’t make it in the film, but instead we have “London Calling” from The Clash (quite fitting) and “You Can Get It If You Really Want It” by Jimmy Cliff (tolerable). While there are a few formulaic beats that slightly snag the story, the lighthearted fun is undeniable and the fast-paced action is quite infectious.

RATING: ***

• 42nd Street Forever (Blu-ray)
• Beautiful Wave (DVD/Blu-ray)
• The Big C: The Complete Second Season (DVD)
• Chuck: The Complete Fifth and Final Season (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Dirty Dancing 2 – Film Collection (Blu-ray)
• Fantasy Island: The Complete Second Season (DVD)
• The Front Line (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Ganja & Hess: Kino Classics Remastered Edition (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Gremlins 2: The New Batch (Blu-ray)
• Happiness is… Peanuts: Team Snoopy (DVD)
• The John Wayne Film Collection (DVD)
• Kawa (DVD)
• La haine (The Criterion Collection) (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Love’s Everlasting Courage (DVD)
• Madison County (Unrated) (DVD)
• Mother’s Day (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Rookie Blue: The Complete Second Season (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Shock Labyrinth 3D (Combo Pack)  (Blu-ray))
• This is What Love in Action Looks Like (DVD)
• Tim & Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie (DVD/Blu-ray)
• Tom & Jerry: Around the World (DVD)
• Underworld Awakening (DVD/Blu-ray)
• The Vow (DVD/Blu-ray)

written by:  Jean-Claude Carrière, Agnieszka Holland, Andrzej Wajda, Jacek Gasiorowski and Boleslaw Michalek

produced by: Margaret Ménégoz

directed by: Andrzej Wajda

rating: unrated

runtime: 136 min.

U.S. release date: September 28, 1983 (New York Film Festival) and November 13, 1983 (Chicago International Film Festival)

DVD/Blu-ray release date: April 6, 2009

History has always provided great material for the cinema, and Polish filmmaker Andrzej Wajda made an entire career of it with numerous films set during WWII and the early 20th Century.  Poland has always been Wajda’s main subject and inspiration, though in 1983 he would film “Danton”, a historical epic about the key players of the French Revolution that many saw as a biting political allegory to the Solidarity movement that was currently being suppressed by the Soviets in his home country.

“Danton” is set in 1794, five years after the initial French Revolution, and concerns the ideological battle of will between two men, the titular Georges Danton (Gerard Depardieu) and Maxime Robespierre (Wojciech Pszoniak).  Danton has started to grow weary of the endless bloodshed and denunciations (known commonly as the Terror), and starts to clash with the inflexible revolutionary dogma of Robespierre. The bulk of the film has these two men playing an intricate political cat and mouse game, as they try to sway members of the committee to their side, and gauge the temperature of public opinion.  Long scenes have groups of politicians seated around tables debating and arguing the finer points of the Revolutionary Tribunal.

While this might seem dry and boring, the scenes are very fiery and passionate, and students of history and fans of historical cinema will find it very engrossing.  Also, Danton, who has been using the newspapers to garner support with his friend Desmoulins (Patrice Chereau, who you might recognize as the French general from “The Last of the Mohicans”), sees the paper destroyed and the press confiscated by the secret police.  The role of propaganda and the manipulation and subjugation of the press is one of the parallels Wajda draws to the modern age, as well as the idea that violence only begets more violence.  Wajda has tried to claim in interviews that he intended to make no parallel between this film and the political situation in Poland, but it is easy to see Danton as the embattled Lech Walesa (founder of the Solidarity movement), and Robespierre as the Soviet-backed leader Wojciech Jaruzelski, who declared martial law in Poland, and used secret police and informants to arrest dissenters.

Regardless of your knowledge of the complexities of the French Revolution, and the true intentions of a Polish filmmaker and his political motivations – the question remains:  does all this work as a film?  Yes and no.

First, the production design is immaculate, from the Committee halls and chambers to the squalid conditions of an over-crowded Parisian prison.  Also with the incredible costume design work, everything feels completely authentic and realistic without being overtly flashy.  The true gem here, and really the only thing keeping this film moving along, is the unbelievable performance of Gerard Depardieu as Danton.  He portrays the man as someone who still holds dear the original ideals that led to the Revolution, but has grown disenchanted with all the bloodshed and recriminations that have followed in its wake.  He appears weary and disenchanted, and even when fighting for his very life before the courts, his fiery orations are tinged with resignation and regret over what he has created.

Still, the film is very complicated to someone without prior knowledge of the intricacies of the French Revolution, and it is tough to sit through some of the longer scenes of political discourse (especially with a distracting dubbed track that seems about half a second off). In a telling scene towards the end, Robespierre, posing for an artist in Roman togas, finds a large painting of the founders of the Revolution, and tells the artist to delete one of the figures that he has since condemned and sent to the Guillotine.  If history is written by the winners, then that is perhaps why he is more of a well-known figure that Danton, despite the best efforts of this film.

The Criterion edition is offered in a deluxe format, with an entire second disc of interviews, and a nice 42-minute long documentary on the making of the film.  An essay on some of the background of the French Revolution and the connection to Polish history can be read on the Criterion website (and was used to fact check some elements of this article).

RATING: **1/2

Matt Streets saw his first film in 1980, when his parents took him to see Robert Altman’s “Popeye” at the Tivoli Theater in Downers Grove, IL.  Since that rocky start, he has become a lifelong movie fan, and has written film reviews on and off since giving “Medicine Man” two stars for his high school newspaper back in 1992.  He is currently attempting the insane feat of watching every single film in the Criterion Collection as The Criterion Completist.

written by: Joss Whedon (screenplay/story) & Zak Penn (story) 

produced by: Kevin Feige

directed by: Joss Whedon

rating: PG-13 (for intense sci-fi violence and action throughout, and a mild drug reference)

runtime: 143 minutes

U.S. release date: May 4, 2012

Just before the screening of “Marvel’s The Avengers”, my buddy turned to me and excitedly stated, “I just can’t believe we’re here!”, which summed up how I felt as well. Having read the comic book adventures of these superheroes for the past thirty or so years and always envisioning how they would appear in real life – it’s unbelievable to fathom that we’re now going to see Earth’s Mightiest Heroes on the big-screen. It’s been an absolute blast to see what Marvel Studios did with their previous five movies, which laid the foundation for this anticipated blockbuster. Although I had my reservations thatI’m not alone when I admit that seeing an Avengers movie has been a geek dream for quite some time. Writer/director Joss Whedon must feel the same way and he shows it by delivering the most fun and funny superhero movies in a spectacularly energetic and raucous manner.

With Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Firefly, Whedon became known as a storyteller who can get the most out of an ensemble cast. It’s also become clear that he knows how to write enough material so every cast member gets their moment too. Sounds well-suited for this material right there. Getting into the superhero team sub-genre is no strange territory for the filmmaker though, having written celebrated runs on other Marvel books like Astonishing X-Men and Runaways, but what “The Avengers” (that’s right, I’m dropping the “Marvel’s” right here and now since no one is expecting Steed and Peel) reminds us, or confirms for some, that Whedon is a total fanboy. Which proves he’s the perfect guy to direct these live-action Marvel heroes.

Now, if you go into “The Avengers” cold turkey, you may be doing yourself a disservice. Sure, you’ll have fun, but if you haven’t seen “Iron Man”, “Iron Man 2”, “Thor”, and “Captain America: The First Avenger” – well, you’re missing out on quite a bit. (Note: missing “The Incredible Hulk” isn’t going to hurt you, but it too is part of the Marvel Universe world-building diligently overseen by producer Kevin Feige). If this were any other movie, I would be critical that viewers have to see those other features in order to get the most out of this one. You should be able to just watch any movie on its own and not be lost, but everything’s been building up to this and Whedon wastes no time bothering with playing catch-up.

The movie starts off with an action-packed prologue, setting up the villain, the McGuffin and the need for superheroes. Loki (a flamboyant Tom Hiddleston), the demigod from space, has made his way to Earth to steal the all-powerful Tesseract (the cosmic cube seen in last summer’s “Captain America” and in the end credit scene after “Thor”) from Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson), director of S.H.I.E.L.D. (the clandestine American espionage agency present in the previous Marvel movies, known as Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division). Fury was had physicist, Dr. Eric Selvig (Stellan Skarsgard, “Thor”) studying the gamma-radiated object, under the watchful eye of Agent Clint Barton (Jeremy Renner), but both are easily overwhelmed by Loki. The slick megalomaniac walks in like a pissy rock star with his glowing scepter and strides out with what he wants, like a kid playing tag – he’s asking to be chased.

Fury knows it’s time to get his Avengers Initiative thing going – a secret directive to assemble Earth’s most mightiest beings to battle any extraordinary threat to the planet. It may be frowned upon by a secret government council (hello, Powers Boothe!) he reports to, but so be it! To see this through, he dispatches his top agents to summon the worthy candidates.

Agent Phil Coulson (Clark Gregg) is sent to seek out self-described “billionaire/playboy/philanthropist”, Tony Stark/Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr.), in New York City, where he’s found residing in the newly-designed Stark Tower with his his Girl Friday, Pepper Potts (Gwyneth Paltrow, in the perfect-sized cameo) and busy with providing sustainable energy powered by his arc technology. Stark is typically snarky (as we want and expect RDJr. to be), but is enticed by Fury’s files on the Tesseract and the Avengers Initiative candidates. Knowing what we know about Tony, we know he’s on board.

Meanwhile, Agent Natasha Romanoff/Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) has been sent to India to persuade reclusive genius scientist, Dr. Bruce Banner/Hulk (Mark Ruffalo), to assist Fury in tracking down the stolen Tesseract before Loki becomes even more powerful, putting the planet at risk. She ensures him that Fury wants for his brains, but if his brawny alter-ego shows up (and we know he will), well that’s an added bonus too.

These recruitment scenes are great, taking the time to re-establish or introduce us to characters we can care about. Seeing Gregg, Paltrow and Downey Jr. work their clever interaction once again is a hoot. It obviously takes a beauty to lure a beast and the scene with Johansson and Ruffalo gives us an idea why another actor was cast as Banner (after Edward Norton and Eric Bana had their go) and how great Whedon (who co-wrote the screenplay with Zak Penn) is with dialogue and characterization. There’s an identifiable reluctance and hesitation that Ruffalo exudes which draws us to him. We already know the Banner/Hulk story, so we’re more interested now in how/if this portrayal will be any different from previous performances. Ruffalo deftly balances a slightly humorous/slightly on-edge approach that is just right for both him and the role. Possibly because he’s “the new guy” this time around, Ruffalo is fun to watch, fitting nicely with everyone else (especially with Downey Jr., making a nice “Zodiac” reunion) and giving a performance that only gets better as the movie continues.

It must be said that this is the best big-screen representation of The Hulk yet. He’s just the right size – not too huge and maintains a personality that allows him to interact with others around him. He stands slightly hunched over, causing him to be more of a feral creature, but the best part is that there are times where he actually seems like he’s having fun – which is equally fun for the audience.

Fury handles the recruitment of Steve Rogers/Captain America (Chris Evans) himself, knowing how to appeal to the heart and mind of a solider. With Loki’s actions deemed a declaration of war, he’s going to need the best soldier there is to stand up to this imposing threat. Plus, Fury is aware that the living legend has encountered the Tesseract before and that Rogers would feel most needed (and at home) on an identifiable mission.  Besides, what else is this man-out-of-time going to do?

Next thing we know, Whedon gives us the first of many super smackdowns - Cap vs. Loki in Germany (well, it tries to look like Germany). Seeing Evans confidently stand up to this supernatural baddie with such stalwart purity is a reminder how well the actor has this character down. Sure he’s backed by Widow and Iron Man, but one gets the idea that Rogers never felt like  he needed anyone to help him take down Loki. What we’ll start to see though are strong characters (both in ego and physicality) who will realize they do need each other, but not before there’s plenty of playground pummeling. Even if the plot is paper-thin, with action scenes that stoke the already lit geek flame – who cares?

Because it’s Loki on the loose and threatening Earth, inevitably his half-brother Thor (Chris Hemsworth), the God of Thunder, has to show up and try and reason with the master manipulator. Nice to see that Thor still has both his naivety and cockiness intact. For him to think that he can change Loki’s mind is downright foolish, but it’s characteristic for his assured demigod. Whedon knows that the egos of Thor and Stark are meant to clash and provides fans with epic battles between the two that feel like fantastic splash pages come to life. At no point do any of these in-house fights feel disingenuous to how the characters have been written for decades or how they’ve been embodied in other movies. It just all feels right, especially when Cap gets involved in the machismo melee and later on, when we see a conflicted Thor.

While the differences and tensions between these heroes must be dealt with as they come together under Fury, the enemy isn’t resting. True to the comics, Loki has multi-layered plans of his own. He’s made a pact with The Other (Alexis Denisof, a Buffy alum) a threatening alien who agrees to supply him with a savage Chitauri army to invade Earth, as long as Loki hands over the Tesseract. The power-hungry Loki’s sole concern is ruling Earth and sticking it to his brother. Whether Loki is controlling S.H.I.E.L.D. agents in an attack on Fury’s floating Helicarrier or unleashing his off-world rented minions on Manhattan, Hiddleston is as snarlingly fitting as he was in “Thor”, if not better since he’s given more to do here. It’s not going to be easy for these heroes to get their stuff together and focus on taking out the threat, but they will because they’ll realize that they must.

What is most impressive about “The Avengers” is how well Whedon works all these characters into the movie. This is truly a situation where the actors and characters are bigger than any compelling storyline that anyone could come up with, but Whedon manages to give enough spotlight for each, even though some stand out moreso than others. For example, as good as Renner is as the skilled archer (referred to as The Hawk, not Hawkeye, as fans know him) we don’t have much time to learn more about the character other than his shared history with fellow spy, Black Widow. He has his uses in the finale, but as an introductory character, he winds up being the hero who becomes slightly overshadowed by his other teammates. Speaking of Johansson’s Black Widow, it’s nice to see her move beyond the eye candy role she had in “Iron Man 2”, working with Whedon – a writer known for crafting strong female roles – is a nice benefit to the actress and the audience. Maybe in another Marvel film, Renner can have the same opportunity to flex a little more with the role.

The one character who is kind of worthless and wasted here is Maria Hill (Cobie Smulders, of How I Met Your Mother Fame), Fury’s right hand agent. She’s the newest created character in the comics and is written as a no-nonsense, tough-as-nails chick, but she really isn’t given anything special to do here. It could be the casting, although I’m more familiar with the character of Hill than I am Smulders, I always envisioned someone like Selma Blair playing her. With so many characters jammed into a movie like this, one of them is bound to feel irrelevant. So maybe Hill will play a more prominent role in future Marvel movies.

Although Whedon’s strengths lie in creating great character-driven dialogue, he definitely knows what to give those who’ve waited so long for such a movie.  He delights in witty talking head moments with his cast just as much as he does swirling the camera around the metallic leviathans  that drop out of a portal above NewYork City. There will be critics and moviegoers who could care less about a movie filled with shield-slinging, hammer-bashing and all the awesome HULK SMASH!! moments (all worthy of repeat viewings) – to that I say there’s an audience for everything. If you can’t gleefully get behind the aforementioned Thor/Iron Man/Cap roustabout, or the smashingly fun Thor vs. Hulk tussle and a deliriously funny Hulk vs. Loki match (which will have geeks reaching a fever pitch), then this clearly isn’t for you, but I will say you’re missing out on the fun.

This is a movie guaranteed to break box-office records, but what it will mostly be remembered for is its tone. It’s a funny movie! Whedon injects the feature (only his second since his “Serenity” debut) with hilarious nudge-nudge moments, both big and small, that had me laughing out loud – even hollering at the screen in enthusiastic OMG outbursts. I won’t list off all those humorous bits (you’ll know them), as expected many of them involve Stark coming up with nicknames for his teammates, but all of them are earned and are wonderfully timed. Such a tonal approach makes watching “The Avengers” the most fun I’ve had in a movie theater since – well, the Whedon film (still out in theaters).

“The Avengers” isn’t just another comic book movie to be scoffed at or disregarded. You can’t just see it as superheroes, evil bad dudes, and explosions – because there’s much more going on here than that simplification.  What Marvel Studios has done here, bringing all these actors/iconic heroes together and building off their previous successful movies,  is something that’s never been done before. There’s been other superhero team movies, such as 20th Century Fox’s X-Men franchise, but those started out as team movies with an ensemble cast. The major players  in “The Avengers” have already had their origin stories told (ad naseum, for a specific jade giant) and now we get to see them engage each other in intense and exhilarating action interact. It so closely resembles the comic book pages that we (and Whedon) have and are still flipping through.

The two questions that may surface when considering this movie are whether or not it’s suitable for children and what the 3D is like. Well, those children who seen all the other Marvel Studios movies (mentioned above) and survived them with no scar tissue, there shouldn’t be a problem with this one. As for the 3D, it’s actually not bad. Could one do without it? Sure.  But, I must say I found myself noticing how immersive much of the 3D was.  It’s never distracting or annoying like the post-conversion we saw in “Thor”.  But, there are moments, especially with Black Widow’s gun or Hawkeye’s arrow pointing at you, that are quite cool and feel like something a comic book artist would come up with.

With all the countless TV spots and trailers released leading up to opening day in the States, it’s a relief to know that all the best scenes weren’t already released. By the time the dizzying finale was over, I was delighted to cooldown with two sweet end credit stingers. When it was over, I found myself eagerly anticipating more Avengers adventures. It would obviously be great to see Whedon return and he’d be crazy not to. After all, this will make enough money for everyone to return and the creative possibilities are seemingly endless. Maybe next time they’ll come up with better movie posters.

RATING: ****

EXHIBIT A – Awful Movie Poster Art

EXHIBIT B – Awesome Movie Poster Art