LOVE HURTS (2025) review

written by: Matthew Murray, Josh Stoddard and Luke Passmore
produced by: Kelly McCormick, David Leitch, and Guy Danella
directed by: Jonathan Eusebio
rated: R (for strong/bloody violence and language throughout)
runtime: 83 min.
U.S. release date: February 7, 2025

After Key Huy Quan won the Best Actor Oscar for his role in 2022’s “Everything Everywhere All at Once,” it was easy to want more success to come his way. He seems like a genuinely grateful and humble guy, and his comeback story after such a long gap from his outstanding work in “Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom” and “The Goonies” was wonderful to watch. So, naturally, seeing Quan headline his first feature film would be cool and something to look forward to. It would appear “Love Hurts,” an action comedy taking place around Valentine’s Day, is just that opportunity for Quan, and it’s also the directorial debut for Jonathan Eusebio, who worked as a stunt performer in the “John Wick” series and in last summer’s “The Fall Guy.” Quan is definitely the movie’s best part, once again showing his action skills with great enthusiasm and comic timing, but sadly, there isn’t much of a story here.

Marvin Gable (Key Huy Quan) has worked hard to become a top real estate agent near Milwaukee, Wisconsin, winning the trust of his clients and impressing his boss and friend, Cliff Cussick (Sean Astin). When we meet him, he’s brewing coffee and baking heart-shaped cookies for prospective buyers at one of his listed homes. The peppy realtor’s ads are everywhere, and they say, “He wants a home for you”! His cynical assistant, Ashley (Tio Lipton), is going through professional doubts, while Marvin maintains a positive perspective about everything. That mindset is challenged when he learns that Rose (Ariana DeBose) is back in town, someone who’s a reminder of a life Marvin’s gone out of his way to leave his violent past. Years ago, Marvin was a ruthless enforcer for Alvin “Knuckles” Gable (Daniel Wu), his crime boss brother, but he left “The Company” after he was supposed to eliminate Rose (his brother’s former lawyer) after she committed a financial crime, but had a change of heart and let her live. Supposedly everyone believed her dead, but all those involved in wronging her are getting Valentine’s cards from her because she feels wronged and repeatedly proclaims, “Hiding ain’t Living.”

Believing that the way to taser-wielding Rose is through Marvin, the boba tea-drinking Knuckles (one of the lamest nicknames for a baddie) dispenses all his goofy goons after his brother. First up is Raven (Mustafa Shakir), a killer with a plethora of knives (who also throws feathers?) and the soul of a poet, who shows up at Marvin’s Valentine’s Day office party (wait, that’s a thing?) to attack Marvin. Then there are two goon partners, Otis (André Eriksen) and King (Marshawn “Beastmode” Lynch, you read that right), who show up at Marvin’s home for a knock-down-dragged-out brawl. There’s also Merlo (Cam Gigandet), who believes he’s Knuckles righthand man, yet it’s clear he’s an afterthought to the crime boss. Like a video game, Marvin will have to plow through all of these rivals to hopefully regain control of his renewed life.

“Love Hurts” sets out to revive the kinetic energy of Hong Kong action flicks by hitting viewers with nonstop bodily harm and style, resulting in exciting and comedic confrontations that defy logic and bleed out everywhere. Oddly, you won’t see any actual broken limbs despite hearing plenty of bone crunching. No doubt, the action is the feature’s strength, but when it lets up, we’re left with a screenplay consisting of underwritten characters, multiple inner monologues, and comedy that falls flat. The movie sags when it walks away from the action sequences, as it vaguely defines motivations and lays out implausible character situations.

I’m not sure why screenwriters continue to set their stories in the States when it’s obvious the movie is filmed in Canada. There’s nothing distinctively Milwaukee, or Wisconsin for that matter, about the locations in “Love Hurts,” so why bother hiding it?

It’s kind of crazy that the central conceit of the movie – a former hitman trying to maintain an everyday life – falls apart all because of one thing: geography. We’re supposed to believe that Knuckles doesn’t know where his brother has gone to even though Marvin remains in the Milwaukee area and his face is plastered on billboards, on buses, benches, and seemingly every house for sale? That’s the worst hiding in plain sight ever. It also makes Knuckles an absolute idiot. When he shows up at Marvin’s house, he’s supposedly surprised at his brother’s domesticity. If he were adept at his job as a crime boss, he’d know where his brother is, but there’s no reason or excuse for his stupidity. And what about Rose? She’s supposed to be dead but has an apartment in Milwaukee and tends a bar in a pretty local dive. How is no one connected to Knuckles going to find out she’s not dead? Maybe it’s because everyone Knuckles knows is also stupid.

Once you see past the energetic action, “Love Hurts” is a pretty stupid movie, and that’s probably the most disappointing aspect. Screenwriters Matthew Murray, Josh Stoddard, and Luke Passmore are also expecting us to believe Marvin is in love with Rose and that he’s always had a thing for her. Maybe she knew that, and she’s using that to her advantage now. It’s not clear. What’s also unclear is any semblance of chemistry between these two Oscar winners. There’s almost a twenty-year gap between the two actors. While it’s unclear how far back their characters go, such an age disparity makes it awkward. The goal of “Love Hurts” should’ve been to solidify Quan as a leading man who can carry a movie, but at some point, a decision was made that a love angle was needed. It wasn’t.

For Gen X viewers, the best “Love Hurts” moment comes early during a scene between Quan and Astin, who starred alongside each other forty years ago in “The Goonies.” It’s a scene where Astin’s Cliff Cussick is awarding Quan’s Marvin Gable (I swear every time someone says his name, it sounds like they’re gonna say “Marvin Gaye”) with a framed award for Regional Realtor of the Year, recognizing him for his year’s of great work as a realtor. For those in the know, it’s a meta-moment that genuinely feels like Astin is sharing how proud he is of his dear friend. Both actors are great here. It’s almost as if they’re acting in a much better movie.

RATING: **